Lord, Help me!

Oh Lord, why do I have such a hard time trusting YOU?  Men have failed me but you, oh LORD, have been my strong tower, my place of refuge...or have you?  Yes, it's true you have always been with me but have I truly made you my strong tower?  Or my place of refuge?  Is it You that I run to when I'm afraid or am I usually running away from you?

Lord, help me.  Help me place my total confidence in You... and you ALONE.  Why does my heart fail me when all I want is to find rest in Your arms?  Shouldn't it be enough that you took care of us when my husband was out of work?  Can't I look back on my life and see Your hand in it?  Isn't that enough for me?  No, for some reason it is not enough.  There is a part of my heart that STILL WON'T TRUST YOU!

I want to sing "You're All I Need"  and MEAN IT!  I want to 100% trust you LORD!  Please, please, please help me!  I'm leaning on You but not far enough.  I want to lean on you with ALL my weight...with ALL my BEING!

I don't want to trust in a job or paycheck or bank account for my provision anymore.  YOU are my PROVIDER, MY COMFORT, MY DELIVERER!  If you take care of the birds who do not work or garden to get their food, why wouldn't you take care of me!  Lord, forgive me for believing that I am worth less than the birds.

I say I know you love me, but again, there's a part of my heart that still doubts.  There's a part of me who would rather believe the lies I was told that to believe You Father.  My heart is stubborn and holds on to the lies.  Lies that I am worthless and won't amount to anything.  Lies that I am not worthy of love.  Lies that I am ugly.  I lay these lies and all the other lies I've been told at Your feet.  I give my brokenness to You.

Lord, I'm tired.  All I want to do is curl up in Your arms and rest.  I want to rest...please help me rest.